I'm going to get into lines, but I'm going to start with a couple of tips to grocery stores (and their patrons).
Store - staff your 'express' isles with your competent employees.
The whole point of the 'under x-items' isle is speed. In a regular isle, you expect a wait. If the cashier has to make a quick phone call to check something, or call someone over, it's not a huge deal, because there are still 2 full carts in front of you.
In the express, you're only waiting behind 2 grapefruits, a carton of milk, and a loaf of bread, 3 bags of chips, and a head of lettuce. Having to ask for help takes about as much time as ringing through an entire customer's basket. So please, if you have any competent employees, use them to staff the express isle.
Patrons - just wait a minute.
You don't have to stuff your entire cart on the conveyor the moment there are 6 inches of it available - it will move. You can always load the conveyor faster than the cashier can scan the items, so even if it's completely empty at some point, there still won't be a hold up. Wait until there's a decent amount of space on the conveyor, and the person in front of you has moved up.
It's is segue time
[Insert segue here]
You idiots
There is a fundamental understanding that most line-waiters seem to be missing, so I'll explain it now. Your distance from the front of the line is NOT what determines how long it will take you to get there. The only thing that matters is how quickly things are happening at the front of the line. So ... do you know what this means? This means don't stand so bloody close to me, it doesn't help! Maybe you just love breathing down my neck, fine, but you need to know that rubbing your body up against me will have NO EFFECT whatsoever on how quickly you reach the front of the line. Get a grip on reality people.
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