It bottles (30 Rock) my mind how difficult it can be to get someone to do something for you - even if it will cost them nothing. This is not only the case with strangers, but with people who care about each other as well. Getting someone - anyone - to do something they don't already want to do can be downright impossible.
"Why should I put up with the discomfort of something I'm not terribly interested in?
Just because it will make you happy?
Forget it".
My only explanation is that we genuinely do not want other people to be happy - even when we do. Or, at very least, other people's happiness is about as low as you can get on our list of priorities.
I don't think human beings quantify their happiness on an absolute scale. I'm pretty sure it's measured on a relative scale.
If John is happier than me, I must not actually be happy.
As we all know, the primary goal of 99.9% of all people is to get what they want. I'm not judging anyone, we just all care about ourselves more than others - and that's okay.
So if I am more important (to me) than you, it stands to reason that my happiness is also more important (to me) than yours. Fair? I think so.
If we remember that happiness is measured on a relative scale, for me to be happy, you need to be less happy. So if you ask me to do something that I don't want to do (it will make me - at least a tiny bit - less happy), and my doing it will make you more happy, I'm not going to do it.
The Math:
John asks Andrew to [insert anything]. Doing so will reduce Andrew's happiness by 1, and increase John's happiness by 15.
At first glance, it seems simple: the cost to Andrew is 1 unit of happiness. HOWEVER, since John will increase by 15, the gap between Andrew and John increases by 15 as well. Add the 1 that Andrew lost, and your final gap in happiness is 16.
Becaus of the relativity of happiness theorem, the act of Andrew [insert anything] for John causes his happiness to reduce by 16 units.
That's why people don't do things for you (or me) that don't make them at least as happy as it makes you (or me).
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1 day ago
October 23, 2009 12:11 PM
You have'nt considered the theory of reciprocal altruism. I am only living life to maximize my happiness but in doing a favour to you, I am increasing my chances of you doing a favour to me and thus making me happy later on in life.
October 23, 2009 3:03 PM
I think you're assuming that everyone is at the same level of happiness. What if Andrew was having a really good day and his happiness was already fairly high, say 20?
If he complies with John's request to [insert anything], his happiness is lowered by 1 and John's is raised by 15. Suddenly the gap is only 4 and Andrew is still happier.
I guess people are more likely to help you out if they're already happy?